Posted by: hellonhairylegs | March 22, 2008

A Strange Dream Involving Aliens

Preface: A well-known radfem blogger has been known to say that she can’t imagine the overthrow of patriarchy without alien intervention. Perhaps that’s why I had such as strange dream. Any dream that is vivid and coherent is strange enough, but that I can remember truly means something is up. Perhaps a Muse visited me in my sleep. Unfortunately for you, dear reader, I was not interrupted by a gentleman from anywhere, let alone Porlock. I left the dream as is, despite desperately wanting to edit it. Here is the product of my subconscious in its entirety.

Alien Leader: We demand a meeting with the leader of your world. Before this meeting can take place we demand an end to the slavery of 51% of your population, known as women. You have 72 earth-hours.

On Earth

A white male President who bears a striking resemblance to a monkey: What do we do?

Adviser 1: We release the statement to the world!

Adviser 2: No! We nuke the bastards!

AWMPresidentWBASRTAM: We should call in the experts!

Cuts to slow motion hero walk of notable feminists, including Gloria Steinman and Germaine Greer. Digital clock begins ticking in the corner of the screen.

72 Hours Later

Alien Leader: Thank you for replying with our request. Here’s some technology. Bye now.

AWMPresidentWBASRTAM: Good job men! We’ve averted the crisis! –glares from surrounds- Uhh, I meant women too!

-vanishes in puff of dust as a result of the new automated system. Parameters: Top Secret-

Greer: Too bad, he was about to be impeached.

Weasel Vice President (nervously) : You know y’all can have your uteruses back!

Steinman (evily): Too late

Back on the Alien Ship

Alien Leader: See, aren’t you glad we never did that crap to you? Our planet is truly a haven of equality.

Token Female Feisty Alien: -head explosion-

Alien Leader (ignoring TFFA): We’ve freed billions of semi-intelligent life forms, great job team!

Dumb and Handsome Action-hero Alien: Yeah, that should make those feminist bitches back home shut up.


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