Posted by: hellonhairylegs | June 21, 2008

What it would take to make my Doctor Who experience complete.

Doctor Who FTW

Setting: Futuristic Earth. The TARDIS slowly appears on a street corner complete with sounds and flashing lights. The Doctor walks out, smiling happily as Donna walks out behind him.

Donna: Well, it’s pretty I suppose. When are we? (they begin walking)

Doctor: The fifty-first century, a time of free love and expensive crockery.

Donna: (laughs) The way Jack made it sound like everyone was sleeping with everyone else. I couldn’t work out if he was telling the truth or just trying to get into my pants.

Doctor: Knowing Jack, probably both.

Donna: But wouldn’t it get complicated? I know I wouldn’t be too happy if my mum started sleeping with my husband.

Doctor: (airily) Oh marriage is long gone, went with the gender binary. The downfall of patriarchy made sex so much less complicated.

Donna: Gender binary? Whadya mean? There are men and women walking around, same as always. (sweeps arm around at extras to prove her point)

Doctor: (laughs) The things you would see without the TARDIS translating.

Donna: You said it only translated alien languages. (slightly accusatory)

Doctor:  Weeell (buying time). Life without the patriarchy is pretty alien to what you know. Give you lot an a0fe-hock team and you turn it into a nuclear family.

Donna: Stop showing off with your ave-ocks and show me what you mean.

Doctor: You won’t like it.

Donna: Show me!

Doctor: (shrugs) Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

The Doctor takes out sonic screwdriver and presses button. Close up on Donna.

Donna: Oh. My. God.

The Doctor smugly presses the sonic screwdriver again, his manner implying “I told you so.” He is then abruptly distracted by a fruit shop.

Doctor: Donna, did I ever tell you about the time I invented the banana daiquiri three centuries early? Always take a banana to a party; that’s my motto. Well, either that or-

Donna: You’re more bloody bananas than this planet!

The Doctor smiles guilelessly and scene ends.   




    I’ve always liked the theory that Time Lords are actually non-binary-gendered beings, and just appear male to humans because of humans’ patriarchal bias.

    Far, far too many people make that assumption of universality of whatever is dominant and unexamined – when it really isn’t remotely plauslibe that aliens, who might not even reproduce sexually, would have genders exactly like present-day Earth genders. I mean, not even every society on present-day Earth has “present-day Earth” (aka mainstream Western patriarchal) gender roles…

  2. That’s what really annoyed me about the Sliveen. So not only do they need fat people, they have are seperated into male/female? -.-

    I like the theory that Time Lords are non-binary-gendered beings and everyone projects onto them. Seems like a very human thing to do.

  3. […] On Hairy Legs shares a post-patriarchal Doctor Who ficlet: Doctor: (airily) Oh marriage is long gone, went with the gender binary. The downfall of patriarchy […]

  4. Oh, I LOVE it. The TARDIS translating gender! That works on so many levels!

    Dear Stephen Moffat,

    Please hire Hell on Hairy Legs as a writer for Doctor Who.

    Thank you.

  5. Got pointed this way by the Hoydens – and now I’m investing far too much thought in explaining why, if Time Lords ARE non-binary-gendered and humans just project gender onto them, Romana and the Rani appeared “female”. Subordinate role/makes her extra deviant?

  6. Hmmm, I didn’t really think about the old episodes of DW. I guess Romana and the Rani fit better into the companions idea of female than the Doctor and the Master.

    Writing for Doctor Who would be my second dream job (placing after suddenly finding out that I’m really a Time Lord and jettisoning off into time and space.) Though I’d be happy to have this particular bit of script stolen by any enterprising writers currently working for Doctor Who (*hint hint*).

  7. Oh, this would be fabulous! As much as I love Doctor Who (and it’s a lot) I always wish they would push it more, in terms of creating societies that aren’t such copies of ours.

  8. […] Hairy Legs (great name!) rewrites Dr Who and Ms Enid Tak-Entity uses feminism to anaesthetise her crotch during waxing. […]

  9. Made of win. One of the things that really gets me about Dr. Who is that it is the magical white man showing the universe how to be good (colonialism anyone?)

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