Posted by: hellonhairylegs | August 28, 2008

You Are Not Crazy

“why do i make him mad”

This is the most heartbreaking search term I’ve ever read.

You Are Not Crazy is a website devoted to women who have suffered from verbal abuse. The website has many resources. The key thing to remember is that it isn’t your fault. You are never at fault for another person’s abuse. A key quote from the website: “Men are not abusive because they have a problem with anger, they have chronic anger because they are abusive.”

To the person who found me, I hope I helped.



  1. Hellon, I ❤ you. I wish someone had linked me to that site, back in the day. All I got was “well just LEAVE him!” and I honestly felt like I must be crazy.
    I wish there was some way to share this with everyone. Kids in class, women and men in relationships like this, everyone needs to understand.

  2. I do wish there was some way to share this everyone as well. I think we’ll have to settle for linking and sticker activism. I will talk to one of my PE teachers and see if they can sneak it into our sex education program. Stastically it is going to affect a lot of us in the future, so it is worth a shot.

  3. Well that site certainly helped my a while ago. It comfirmed so much I already suspected. Oh and as of Monday I am single again and hope to stay manfree for a long while 😉

  4. Paula, good for you! I understand the feeling of relief when you realize you aren’t crazy and you don’t need his definition of ‘a good reason’ to go. And from experience, it does help to to be on your own for a while- it helps you prove to yourself that you can be, and it’s okay.
    So, I’m sending good energy your way!

  5. It’s so important to understand that distinction — the abusive thinking patterns create the anger problem, not the other way around.

    And of course, that men who abuse do it because it works for them. They like the results.

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