Posted by: hellonhairylegs | November 24, 2008

Sydney White

Director: Joe Nussbaum

Stars: Amanda Byrnes

OMG, like, I totally have to post my photo so I can have randoms rate it, so I can be like, the fairest in the land. ‘Cause my life goal is to be hotter than everyone else and I just love it when men rate my appearance. Also, I oppress men randomly just for fun, lol!

That is my interpretation of what the writer and director of Sydney White thinks about women. Seriously dudes, fuck you.

I can think of only three good things to say about this movie. It solidified my opinion that ninjas are cooler than pirates, it helped me concoct a nefarious plot about an awesome radfem sorority and it had a presidential election with two female candidates.

From the opening moments of the film when sexual harassment was trivialised I knew this would be a film I’d love to hate. It was definitely a manifestation of the one woman syndrome. Either you’re a replica dude or your only purpose in life is to be fucked and/or fucked over. It portrayed sisterhood as superficial and male bonding as supreme. It was essentially a movie about how one woman oppressed a bunch of dudes until another woman helped them find out that being a nerd is really cool (dudely wish fulfillment strikes again).

It was a modern retelling of Snow White. The witch was a hawt woman in charge of a sorority, so there wasn’t even an evil queen of awesomeness, as in the animated version. The kiss was bestowed on the protagonist by a frat boy. I don’t know about you, but if a frat boy randomly kissed me while I was asleep, my response would be swift and violent, not a slow awakening and an eye flutter.

No points for originality, no points for style. Zero stars.

(Rebel Grrl had a different viewpoint. She blames excellently on the homophobic and racist angle that I was too lazy to cover)



  1. Damn. Usually I kinda like Amanda Bynes. Fail sweetie, fail. Hopefully the next movie she makes won’t suck (although I’ve noticed these fluffy rom-coms seem to be her thing these days. Sigh).

  2. I haven’t seen this film, but your description reminded me of a thought I’ve often had: Is it just me, or is the resolution of movies about nerds really different depending on the gender of the nerds? It seems like the outcome in movies with a nerdy male character is that he realizes it’s okay to be a nerd and he ends up with the hot girl who loves him despite, or even because of, his geekdom. When the nerd character is female, the movie ends with her undergoing a transformation into a hot chick (either at the hands of the popular girls or a handsome jock-type, frequently as part of a secret dare). When she finds out that their initial interest in her was due to a challenge, she feels hurt but is ultimately so grateful not to be a dork anymore that she forgives their complete assholery and presumably continues to hang out with the popular kids.

    I enjoyed the ending of Shrek because they both decided to stay ogres.

  3. A frat boy kissing an unconscious woman? There is so much wrong with that I hardly know where to begin.

  4. 1. Eww. Why the hell do writers insist on retelling fairy tales in absolutely the most banal, shit-headed way possible? When I first read your post, I got snow white mixed up with sleeping beauty. Which only made me madder, as you could do a bloody awesome (and awesomely feminist) version of sleeping beauty, what with the oneiromancy, and literal awakenings as a shorthand for radical awakenings. (Only slightly related: what do you think of ”Snow, Glass, Apples”?)

    2. I utterly love the idea of a film about a radical sorority. It would be brilliant to see something that focused on women in radical relationships (like the ones my friends and I actually experience) and deconstructed the romcom / sitcom genre conventions all to hell.

    3. Rebel Grrl’s “When She Speaks I Hear The Revolution,” is awesome on so many levels. Thanks for the introduction. 🙂

    4. Ninjas bathe. Go ninjas.

  5. SL- I think must be hard for actresses to choose good movies. Some actresses like Reese Witherspoon try to have feminist films but it usually fals down in a heap of empowerment.

    PJ- So true. I love Shrek for that reason, and that they annoy Disney.

    Crankosaur- I suppose theythought it was ok because the two had been friendly the entire movie. Grrrr.

    Violet- The Snow, Glass, Apples reminds me of some of Margaret Atwoods stuff, except more skeezy.

    4. Ninjas bathe. Go ninjas

    lol, nice 🙂

  6. […] TV and movies, HellOnHairyLegs reviews Sydney White. Because modern retellings of archaic/Disneyfied fairy tales can never go wrong! And Musings of an […]

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