Posted by: hellonhairylegs | January 22, 2009

Global Citizenship? A Ramble

Why I didn’t do as well as I could have in English. This is a practice composition task from a while back.

What does it mean to be a global citizen? Well first of all I’d like to state for the record that even if the world kicks open the door and turns on the bedroom lights, there will always be people cowering under the bedsheets with their ears plugged. We can always use the the people around us to be isolated (I meant insulated, but let’s just call that a Freudian slip). Then I suppose our culture becomes diluted with all that global gooeyness and we get closer to a global village. Right now I reckon we’re in a state of transition. Soon the people hiding under their bedsheets will have ipods.

Oh yeah, I’ve gotten side tracked. I supposed to be talking about global citizenship. Pesky topic, not very freeing if you ask me, but no one ever does, because if there is one thing my sparkly global citizenship has taught me it’s that I’m just a little dot on the coast of that Oztralia thing on the bottom of the map.

Well perhaps being a global citizen means keeping abreast of events, like American politics. Strange how much of the world seems to revolve around America, sad how much of the world depends on not getting another Republican in the White House. If there are two things that I hate most about the Bush Administration it is the global gag rule and Dick Cheney. Still, if all this fuss about the American election doesn’t die down soon, I’m going to start praying for the Republicans to steal the election early, instead of waiting until November. Of course there is the problem of who to pray to. I’m a fan of Umberlee myself. She’s D&D Forgotten Realms, chaotic evil and just a little power hungry. I know I’m supposed to joke about the spaghetti monster, being a witty atheist, but the flying spaghetti monster involves stripper factories and I have all those pesky morals about human trafficking and exploitation.

Now that I think about it, one of the impacts of globalisation is that all the local people who thought their god was the best god EVA met each other and decided that instead of the Crusades, that a rise in religious fundamentalism was exactly what the priest ordered. ‘Cause you know, the existence of so many gods means that your god must be pissed, so let’s make the altar clothes into bedsheets and plug our ears with hymns.

I know that wasn’t very polite of me because the altar cloth imagery was so very Christian focused. Being an earnest global citizen I support the right of everyone to entertain improbable hypothesis’s about ceiling cats and their buddies. Pretending like Christianity is the only religion seems dishonest, though it is what I know, so it’s what I write. Being a global citizen doesn’t mean you’re divorced from your context. We aren’t just balls of light floating around the internet, even if that would make us infinitely more cool; such a system would only result in an underclass being created to monitor our life signs. Plus, there would be way too much discrimination based on aura size.

I guess I can’t keep ranting on forever, because life is finite and listening to me probably drained your life force. So it’s time for an anecdote, one of those things that make me sound so much more convincing. The problem is that I have a limited repertoire, being a new dot on the coast of Oztralia.

Well there was that time I went to America. I had greasy food at an airport, went through several hours of hell to have greasy food at a drive through on the way to our hotel. I could probably talk for several minutes about the different properties of the grease, there wasn’t much difference between the two meals (aside from the gun racks in the cars on the American leg of the journey).

I guess being a global citizen to me means recognising you are a dot, getting over it without too much experimentation with Nietzsche and then attempt stop screwing over all the other dots.



  1. This reminds me of essays I used to write for Art and English where I would get into trouble in English for writing sarcastic / ironic criticisms of books in English, and be encouraged in Art to do exactly the same thing in my art criticism. Hehehe.

    Funnily enough I didn’t do as well on the English exams as everyone expected me to, either (although part of that can be blamed on something else – it’s a sad tale).

    Can I ask how you went in your HSC? I know, I know, everyone will have asked you that question and you’ll want to punch me… but I don’t have any vested interest in what you got and what you will choose to do now. I’m simply interested because I like the way you think and I wanna see what you’ll do next. 🙂



  2. And you see, this is why I read your blog: wordlove. Glad you’re back and done not existing 🙂

  3. I’m doing one more year of high school (well, technically 3 terms). Will apply to some liberal art schools in the US, ANU and Sydney. I still have no idea what major I want to do.

  4. Pardon my ignorance, but how is the Flying Spaghetti Monster (bless Her Noodliness) connected to stripper factories?

  5. That’s one of the heavens envisioned by those who believe the FSM is male.

  6. HHL, I think your only problem is that you’re too intelligent to just write the essay they want you to write.

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