Posted by: hellonhairylegs | July 7, 2009

What HHL Wants in a Man

Lisa Pryor asked men what they want in a wife. This article, an upmarket version of the Cosmo’s “how to please the cock” that gets rehashed every month, has prompted me to put into words exactly what I want in a man. The twist to my article is that I’m not offering a sexual relationship or marriage as a reward. All I’m offering is friendship, respect and possibly the chance to have more meaningful relationships with others.

I want men who don’t bet on sleeping with women, who don’t rate women on their appearance on a scale of one to ten. I want a man who treats me like a full human being, and who doesn’t base his treatment on how hawt I am. I want men to realise that communication is a two way street, who realise listening is not a chore. Now this may be a lot of work, but it’s worth it. Seeing the people around you as fully human enriches friendships and opens eyes to so much that’s been missed.

I respect men who recognise sex is about more than their own orgasm, who can distinguish between porn and sex. I want a man who isn’t afraid of being contaminated by women, and who doesn’t mock other men when they take up useful, pleasurable pursuits such as knitting or baking.

Finally, I’d like a man who doesn’t go *hur hur* at the thought of lesbian sex, because that shit gets annoying pretty quickly.



  1. See, you’re MORE likely to find that than a woman who adds “… and will also have really awesome sex with me” at the end.

    Um, I’ve heard.

  2. I want a man who does not defend rapists, even if they play a proffesional sport.

  3. [I never saw the fascination with lesbian sex to be perfectly honest]

    [although this blog does make me think about what I want in a woman, and the answer is I haven’t get the faintest idea, ha]

  4. […] What HHL Wants in a Man […]

  5. Amen to that Nance.

  6. I second Nance’s notion.

    Even though I don’t really want to be with ANYONE for a long time, if I can meet someone who values my opinions, my experiences, can go bong for bong and actually sees me as a HUMAN BEING not just a fuck ornament – well, I might change my mind.


    “I respect men who recognise sex is about more than their own orgasm, who can distinguish between porn and sex.”

    x1 000 000 000

  7. That was perfect.

    And: “I want a man who does not defend rapists, even if they play a proffesional sport.”

    I really, really, really second that one.

  8. mmm… I think your criteria isn’t particularly tough… I meet pretty much all of them despite being, by all accounts, a lazy bastard… (that is to say, both lazy and a bastard)… and can think of a few friends who do…

    although I guess I can think of a fair few who don’t – that not rating out of ten or defending sportmen and/or rapists catches a lot out…

  9. I would reply to this… well you don’t want a man at all… you want a woman. Because I’ve met tons of women who are capable of doing all of the above… but I’ve yet to meet a man who can. And besides, even if they are capable of all of the above, they are still really fucking boring and unintelligent and uninspiring creatures really. Women are way better.

  10. @ allecto
    [that’s kind of a harsh generalisation don’t you think?]

  11. I think HoHL was quite clear that she didn’t *want* a man in that sense. But it’s actually reasonably counter productive to insist that men cannot meet those criteria, or that if they can, they’re boring/stupid/uninspiring – that there is something simply innate in them that cannot respect women/cannot be decent humans – I think it far too easily lets them off the hook for being pigs in fact.

  12. squarebrackets, nope. Not harsh and not a generalisation. It’s the truth.

    fuckpoliteness, never said that men’s boringness/stupidity and uninspiringness was innate. I think it is culturally and socially conditioned, doesn’t stop it from being true. What I was getting at was the fact that men are lauded for qualities that we take for granted in women. That pisses me off.

    But it’s actually reasonably counter productive to insist that men cannot meet those criteria

    Never said that men couldn’t, I said that men didn’t. Besides I don’t think it is counter productive at all for women to give up on men. I think it is incredibly freeing. At least that has been my experience.

    As an aside, I don’t like the speciesism of refering to men derogatively as pigs. I think pigs are highly intelligent and sensitive creatures. I don’t think male pigs are anything like human males either.

  13. Here is my response.

    As I’ve noted before, HHL, it’s not clear to what extent you want respectful-but-critical dialog here, but I’m more than happy to discuss your post (or mine) here if you want.

  14. That link actually pops you into the middle of my post … this link is better … apologies.

  15. I’m kind of on hiatus at the moment ballgame, I’m working on a reply at the moment.

  16. I found one of those good men! I promise they exist! Cool blog.

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